Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Backwards Bulimia?

Why is it always referred to as Binge/Purge? In that order?

Is it still bulimia if the order is reversed? What if someone compensates first then binges? What does that make this person?

Right now, that person would be diagnosed with ED-NOS. Eating disorder - not otherwise specified.

Or for those of us with that diagnosis, the netherworld of eating disorders.

While we are just as sick, just as needy, our needs are often overlooked. Because many of us aren't underweight. Because many of us haven't wrecked havoc on our physical selves yet.

But we deserve care.

We have needs that must be met.

And, at least in my case, not having my needs met was (and is) part of my problem. For me, my needs as a child were never met. I was (more or less) told that I wasn't to have needs. That I needed to be happy and smiling and almost perfect. So I coped by turning to and away from food. And developed an eating disorder in the process.

So now, as an adult in recovery, I am faced with a lifetime of needs that were never met coupled with a lifetime long habit of turning to or away from food in times of stress.

I consider myself lucky. My health insurance is one of the amazing ones - where I'm able to see a therapist and a dietician once a week for a co-pay. (Granted the therapist co-pay is twice the copay I give to my dietician or other "medical" doctors, but it is not outrageous.)

But I think about all the other people with less or no insurance coverage. How are they learning to have their needs met when the medical community won't even help them?

I imagine that they are still swirled into the dark fog of hell, believing that they are being greedy for wanting to be free from this disease when there is so much turmoil in the rest of the world.

If this describes you, please believe me when I tell you that you DESERVE help just as much as any other human being. Your needs are NEEDS - you cannot live without having them met. It's up to you to fight for them.

I believe in you.