Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Backwards Bulimia?

Why is it always referred to as Binge/Purge? In that order?

Is it still bulimia if the order is reversed? What if someone compensates first then binges? What does that make this person?

Right now, that person would be diagnosed with ED-NOS. Eating disorder - not otherwise specified.

Or for those of us with that diagnosis, the netherworld of eating disorders.

While we are just as sick, just as needy, our needs are often overlooked. Because many of us aren't underweight. Because many of us haven't wrecked havoc on our physical selves yet.

But we deserve care.

We have needs that must be met.

And, at least in my case, not having my needs met was (and is) part of my problem. For me, my needs as a child were never met. I was (more or less) told that I wasn't to have needs. That I needed to be happy and smiling and almost perfect. So I coped by turning to and away from food. And developed an eating disorder in the process.

So now, as an adult in recovery, I am faced with a lifetime of needs that were never met coupled with a lifetime long habit of turning to or away from food in times of stress.

I consider myself lucky. My health insurance is one of the amazing ones - where I'm able to see a therapist and a dietician once a week for a co-pay. (Granted the therapist co-pay is twice the copay I give to my dietician or other "medical" doctors, but it is not outrageous.)

But I think about all the other people with less or no insurance coverage. How are they learning to have their needs met when the medical community won't even help them?

I imagine that they are still swirled into the dark fog of hell, believing that they are being greedy for wanting to be free from this disease when there is so much turmoil in the rest of the world.

If this describes you, please believe me when I tell you that you DESERVE help just as much as any other human being. Your needs are NEEDS - you cannot live without having them met. It's up to you to fight for them.

I believe in you.


Charlynn said...

And I believe in YOU, Jeanne. Thanks for this post; I needed some inspiration because I am currently dealing with an insurance company that won't cover my psychiatric care.

Lola Snow said...

Here here. The message from the world in all forms appears to be if you are not thin, then you are not worthy. So we are supposed to starve ourselves for beauty, for success, for a place in society, and now we are supposed to waste away if we want to be helped.

It's time that things changed, this message is reinforcing dangerous beliefs and further damaging those battling negative feelings of self-worth.

How are we supposed to believe that value as a person is not actually based upon weight, when even the diagnostic terminology is constructed to confirm that underweight is worthy of more care?

DaftDragon said...

I just found this, but really, really appreciate. I have had all types of ed behavior, some classifiable, some not, and when it is something without a name it is way overlooked even when the emotional consequence is the same. thanks and sending good karma your way.