Saturday, March 31, 2007

From whence it came; or how this blog came to be

Many of the posts that you find here are chapters in a book which I've half-written. The book, of course, is entitled, Digging Me Up. [gasps with shock]

When I first sat down to write the story of my eating disordered life, I had the brainstorm of making it a fictionalized account, mainly to protect me from the guilt that I felt at writing about how less-than-perfect my life (and consequently, my family) was.

What a load of nonsense!

Did I really think that I could fictionalize my struggle with an eating disorder, as if it really didn’t happen to me?

Comical, isn’t it, how deluded I was?

Even more hilarious - can you believe that I was going to make this into a “choose-your-own-ending” book? “If you decide to tell your best friend about your ED, continue to page 10. If you keep it to yourself, skip to page 50.”


I have made my choices, sometimes without feeling that I had a choice, but for better or worse, I’m here in this place because I chose my own path in the story of my life. So, while it might be interesting and academic to delve into the “what-if’s,” what purpose would it serve?

Have I made mistakes? Could I have done something or other better?


But exploring them wouldn’t change that. Time moves on and future choices are based on past ones. The future is delicate. One tiny change could upheave an entire world and who’s to say that, had I not traveled this path, the world would be worse off?

Wicca, the ancient religion often associated with witchcraft, has a philosophy. Whatever we put out into the world comes back to us threefold. If I lie about my life, what would come back at me?

So let me start this with the truth. Or to paraphrase Obi-wan Kenobi in Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, the truth "from a certain point of view."

Namely, mine.

Post a comment if you are interested in reading the original, fictionalized first few chapters.

Welcome to Digging Me Up; did you remember your shovel?

For over twenty years, my emotions were locked tight inside the Pandora’s Box of my mind. That is, until my eating disorder jolted me into a three-year journey of self-awakening.

The focus of Digging Me Up will be unique because my eating disorder is classified as the dreaded Not Otherwise Specified of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. In my research, I’ve found that most books on eating disorders focus on extremes – those women who have starved themselves into infertility and osteoporosis before they reached the age of thirty (Wasted by Marya Hornbacher) or those women who gained hundreds of pounds through bingeing (Locked Up For Eating Too Much by Dr. Debbie Danowski). My blog will shed light on the plight of the women stranded in the middle.

Digging Me Up will describe my recovery in detail: the tips and tricks from books, articles and people that have helped and continue to help along the way and the self-analysis that propelled (and still propels) me through recovery. Despite numerous setbacks, I maintain the appearance of a healthy working mother while inside my eating disorder ravages my mind. My blog will highlight the battle between these diametrically opposed goals.