Thursday, August 30, 2007

Spades are trump

I just had to post.

I'm proud of myself. Shocker, I know!

I got a cruddy night's sleep last night between weird dreams (no they haven't gone away, they are just more restful now, thankfully) and a dog that wouldn't shut up. This morning, I worked out with my personal trainer (a day earlier than normal, since I won't be at work tomorrow.) I had planned on going to the kickboxing class at noon in addition to my dance class tonight.

At 11:50, I opened my cupboard and started shoving my (still sweat-soaked from this morning) workout clothes into my bag. And I sighed. I asked myself, "Do I really want to go to kickboxing?"

The dialogue that ensued went thusly:

"Not really."
"But I should try to use the class to connect with my anger; and I told my trainer that I had planned to go."
"But I'm tired. And I really don't want to be exhausted at my class tonight. We perform in groups for each other tonight - I'm "graduating" from level 5 after all! I'm going to need my strength - the routine is strenuous, after all."

So, I'm not going to kickbox today.

And I feel GREAT about my decision!
For the most part, anyway.
ED, damn him, is always there to whisper (but you should, you should - mentally, emotionally, and physically... And you have been eating and eating, you know...)

But you know what?

Fork you, ED!

Fork you!!!

I'm almost done reading the book Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch. Many of the principles are things I've already been incorporating (or trying to) into my life, like rejecting the diet mentality, honoring your hunger, making peace with food, challenging the food police, feeling your fullness, discover the satisfaction factor. Pole dancing is helping me to respect my body. And I'm really working hard to only exercise when I feel up to it and to only do what I truly enjoy. Today, I scored massive points!!

It's hard for me to give up those "shoulds," though. Damn hard.

But I see it as this - I'm not getting any younger. I must take care of me.

Must trumps should.

Has to.

Every time.


disordered girl said...

You scored some SERIOUS points.

I have such mental debates about working out/not working out. Some days I am able to recognize that I just don't have the energy, and it is OK. There is always tomorrow.

lauren said...

THis is a great post sweetie! I am so glad that today you were able to listen to your body and how you were feeling and make a decision and feel good about it!!! I know we all know those voices to damn well but BREAK THROUGH babe, you are amazing
Love to you Lauren

æ said...

super awesome. great job listening jeanne.

and congrats on your pole promotion :) you're in the big leagues now sister.


carrie said...

Fork you, Eddie, indeed. ;)

Good for you. It's hard for me to deal with the exercise issue. I get very rigid and regimented, so I know how hard it is to make a decision based on how you're feeling in the moment.

Taking care of yourself is the most important thing. And like DG said, there's always tomorrow.

em said...

YAYAY! hey i think i'd like to take up pole dancing as exercise myself... it sounds fun!

Jeanne said...

dg, lauren, ae, carrie, em,

Thank you. All of you.

Your encouragement really means a lot to me – especially since you all get it.

And em, you should definitely give pole dancing a try if you’re interested. For me, there is no better therapy to make me love my body more/better.