Thursday, July 26, 2007

Searching for ...?

Carrie posted an interesting commentary about the similarities between women's and girls' clothing.

Amazing, isn't it? And what's really effed up is that many girls look forward to having curves... then something happens to many of those girls and they no longer want the curves. Or if they do, they want them on a thin body.

In my case, the something was that I was abused and didn't want to look feminine/sexy for fear that I would elicit more abuse. The beginnings of my negative body image and the thickest root of my eating disorder.

Fast forward to March of this year.
On a family vacation to Florida's Universal Studios, I wanted to buy myself a souvenir. I always need T-shirts since my better ones I wear to work (with skirts.) So I looked in the Marvel Land shops (we spent a lot of time in the comic book heroes shops. lol) I looked around at all the adult shirts. BORING! All of them were uni-sex, which really means that they look best on guys. I wanted something more feminine and cute; flirty. They also carried other characters - Storm (from the X-men) with the word ELECTRIFYING, the Hulk, and one other that I can't remember.

The shirts were exactly what I was looking for!


It was for girls (as opposed to women.)

I sighed and moved on, but I kept going back to the rack with those shirts. I found the XL and held it up to my chest (to see if it would stretch around my far-from-girlish curves. Which it would.)

I hemmed.
I hawed.

I bought myself two of them - the Spiderman and the Storm.

I liked the message - I'm amazing. I'm electrifying. I'm feminine. I may be 32, but I'm still cute! Damn straight and no apologies!

When I wear one of these shirts, I feel confident. [I was about to write sexy, but what is sexy really, but self-confidence in one's whole being?]

But what is sad and disturbing is that I found these clothes in the girls' section. The lines between the ages have blurred so much... Or is it my perspective that is changing? Could it be that I am (desperately) clinging to my youth? Afraid of appearing aged?

Or am I just acting my age? I'm in my early thirties - I AM young. I AM youthful.

So what if I have lots of "grown-up" responsibilities. Why does that mean that I have to give up frivolity? Why does it mean that I can't play on the playgrounds (with or without my son?) Why is Dumbledore seen as "mental" for enjoying Bertie's Every Flavor Beans from time to time? Or for saying fun words that make people smile? None of it detracted from the knowledge that he obtained; from the wisdom which connected the dots.

I may be 32, but I'm not dead. While I have lots of knowledge and have made many connections in my life, I haven't lost my sense of fun, my love of laughter. I refuse to grow-up, if growing-up means that I give up fun and laughter.

Damn straight and no apologies!

Isn't that what self-confidence is all about?

"Nitwit, blubber, oddment, tweak!" (from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone)


Faith said...

Damn straight and no apologies!

Isn't that what self-confidence is all about?


Jeanne said...


Thanks, Faith!