Friday, May 25, 2007

Alterations expected

So, the last I left you, I had just been given a mealplan by Jennifer, my nutritionist. That was over a month ago.

In that time, I did follow the mealplan exactly for about 3 weeks - excited about being given permission to lose weight in a healthy way. But then I couldn't take the feeling of deprivation anymore, the obsession with the numbers of the scale, and I binged.

I talked to Jennifer about it at my last appointment (two weeks ago.) And we realigned our goals. We agreed that I didn't need to lose weight. That the point of all this was (is) to balance out my eating to ensure that I was getting all the nutrients I need to live.

At that appointment, we talked about serving sizes and portions. She gave me rubber food to illustrate how much is a serving of pasta and that I should have about 2 or 3 servings at a meal. We discussed eating out - how most restaurants serve one 10 or 12 servings. She suggested that I eat half of a lunch platter and a quarter (or so) of a dinner platter (when eating out.) She reminded me that half of a meal should be veggies, a quarter lean meat, and the last quarter a complex carb.
We also figured that my cravings and binges are probably stemming from the lack of fat in my diet. So recommended that I start taking fish oil pills to give me the healthy fatty acids that olive oil and salmon would give (two foods that I'm not fond of.)

But I still have questions. Some are admittedly neurotic (like what is the serving size of a sweet potato or white potato?) Some are at a higher-level (ie. how do I get more fat in my diet when fats frighten me?)

And that's okay.

This is a learning process. I was never taught to listen, let alone trust, my body to tell me what it needs nutritionally. So I have a lot of reprogramming to do.

So I try to remain calm (by using my alternative coping mechanisms of breathing deeply, stretching, talking, walking, writing, etc.) And I try to eat thoughtfully.

Have I been successful? Not all the time. I have succombed to mini-binges often these past two weeks.
Am I a failure? Absolutely not.
Each time I stumble, I learn something new. These mini-binges probably mean that I'm still not getting enough fat in my diet. So I make adjustments - minor ones until I meet with Jennifer again on Tuesday. I refuse to choose to chuck everything, no matter how much my eating disorder is tempting me to return to it.

I am worth the effort.

2 comments:

Biby Cletus said...

Cool blog, i just randomly surfed in, but it sure was worth my time, will be back

Deep Regards from the other side of the Moon

Biby Cletus

Jeanne said...

Welcome, Biby Cletus!
Thank you for stopping by and, especially for letting me know you stopped!